I’ve been wanting to start a series on “my struggles” for some time now. I’ve been putting it off for weeks but it’s time baby! The topics will include those on fitness, life, diet, family…All types of things. I feel it’s important to be open and honest with people so they know where you are coming from. I have a couple of reasons for wanting to do this…
- I talk a big game and I am in no way perfect. I have my faults, weaknesses and internal struggles just like everyone else who’s losing weight or just trying to stay in shape. Even though I know people don’t hold me to this unreal standard, I want to be honest with what I struggle with.
- Accountability, I very much need it. I try to be an accountability partner to everyone who needs it but I need some help as well.
So here it goes. I probably could have started with something a little less heavy but it’s a big deal for me.
Probably the one thing I struggle with the most is caring what people think about me. Actually, I could care less what people think of me personally…If you don’t like my personality, style, the way I talk etc I could care less. I’m pretty confident in who I am as a person. Where I still struggle is how people view me. It’s funny…When I was 325 lbs, mentally I always saw myself as much thinner. I would then see myself in the mirror and think, DAYUM! Now that I’m 14 lbs away from losing 100 lbs, I still see that 325 lazy tub of lard. It’s crazy. It makes absolutely no sense but yet its true.
To this day, when out in public I worry…..”Do people think I’m fat?” I KNOW! How dumb! Who cares what people think, right? I’ve lost a ton of weight, look amazing and have done something few have ever accomplished. Plus, I’ll never see these people again but for some reason my brain always goes there. These insecurities have always been a struggle to a certain extent. Like I said, as I’ve gotten older my confidence in who I am has gotten stronger but there is still that insecure little fat kid inside. HOW DO I GET RID OF HIM?!?!?!?!
Dont get me wrong, I’m not checking every persons face 24/7 to try to figure out what they are thinking. I’ve come a long way in the last year and am extremely proud of everything I’ve accomplished. This is just something I struggle with.
Am I alone in this?